Most of us would do anything to avoid the vulnerable feeling that comes with not being able to pay your bills or buy groceries. And yet, this is the place I found myself in early December. Finances had been tight as I had been out of work recovering from a car accident for 5 months. The holidays, a car repair, and a rent hike loomed at the end of the month and I was unable to do much about it. I truly believe God is a “Way Maker” when there seems to be no way forward.
However, I’m what you might call an “over responsible” oldest child. I had always believed, deep down, that if I didn’t provide for me I couldn’t expect anyone else to. God included. This belief had caused considerable trouble as I was recovering, and it seemed like God had had enough of it. As I talked over my concerns with God, I began to sense that God was encouraging me not to worry about my finances – at all. I can almost hear him gleefully yelling, “Unleash the Goodness!”
Within 24 hours, a friend had slipped me a Christmas card with her best wishes and over $100 enclosed in it. I was blown away with gratitude. It felt like a personal gift from the One Who Sees Me, as well as my dear friend. I heard “I will take care of you” gently spoken into my heart. Every time I would become concerned about finances in December, I would find a check in my hands within 24 hours. Twenty four hours. Each time this happened I felt something shift in my heart – something deep, and young, and core. It seemed as though my Way-Making God was providing a way straight into a sense of safety.
By January, I began to engage in Round 2 of Project Goodness. As I began to work more hours, I thought this miraculous provision would likely end. Now I could better provide for myself. Silly me. In mid-January I found myself in need of groceries and not enough funds to make a run to the store. Before I realized this was even an issue, a small red icon popped up on my cash sharing app. Dismissing it as a “new friend notification,” I went about my business. Perhaps you can see what’s coming here, I certainly didn’t.
Later that day, as I tearfully brought my concern to God, I had the sudden desire to check that app…where I found the exact amount of my January food budget in my inbox. A generous gift from a friend who felt prompted to send me money “just because.” As I sobbed out my gratitude I felt a gentle laugh and whisper pass through my heart, “I will take care of you.” Before I even realized I had a need, funds had been sent to me.
I think there is a lot of teaching about how repentance and humility, right actions, or “enough faith” lead us to “blessing” in God. But what if it’s just in His nature to be incredibly kind and loving? What if He just wants to meet our needs because He loves us? That’s been my experience.
Want to practice bringing your needs to him? Take the risk! I love how Brene Brown puts it — “The opposite of scarcity is not abundance; the opposite of scarcity is simply enough” (Daring Greatly). May you have all your needs met and find that He gives you “enough.”